What is your favorite memory with me so far?

Why this question works

Hearing how a grandparent remembers you is a rare and wonderful thing. The memory they choose is almost never the big outing or the expensive present. It is an ordinary afternoon: the two of you shelling peas, a walk to the mailbox, the time you fell asleep on their shoulder. Learning which moment they kept tells you what your company has meant to them.

The words "so far" are quietly important. They say that there are more memories to come, and that you are both still making them. That keeps the question light and happy. It also opens an easy next step: asking what they would like to do together next. Grandchildren who ask this often find it becomes a memory in its own right, the afternoon they sat down and compared favorite moments with Grandma.

How to ask it

Ask when it is just the two of you. Side by side on a porch swing, in the car or over a puzzle is ideal. It is a tender question, and a quiet setting lets your grandparent answer without an audience.

Say it simply and with a smile. Then, when they have answered, tell them yours. This is one of the few questions that should always be returned, and your grandparent will treasure hearing what you remember. If they struggle to choose only one, say that a few will do nicely. Write theirs down afterward while the details are fresh, including the small things they mentioned: the weather, what you were wearing, what you said.

Other ways to word it

• What is a moment with me that you love to think about?
• What is your favorite thing we have ever done together?
• When you picture us together, what do you see?
• Is there a day with me that you would happily live again?

Follow-up ideas

• How old was I then?
• Where were we, and what were we doing?
• What did I say or do that you remember?
• Why do you think that moment stayed with you?
• Do you have a photograph from that day?
• What did you love doing with me when I was very small?
• What would you like us to do together next?

An example answer

This is an invented example, written to show the kind of detail to listen for. Your grandma’s answer will be her own.

"You were about four, and you were staying with me for the weekend. It rained all Saturday. We had planned to go to the park, and you were so disappointed. So I took every blanket in the house and we built a tent over the dining room table, and we had our lunch in there by flashlight."

"You decided I was a bear and you were the bear's doctor, and you listened to my heart with a soup ladle. You told me very seriously that I needed more cookies. We stayed in that tent the whole afternoon. I do not remember a single thing we were supposed to do at the park, but I remember exactly how your face looked in the flashlight. That is my favorite. Although I will say, we are not finished yet. I am counting on a few more."

What to write down

Write down the memory your grandparent chose, with your age, the place and the small details they mentioned. Then write your own favorite memory of them on the same page, and date both. Add the thing they would like to do together next and make a plan for it. A photograph of the two of you from around that time is a good companion to this answer.

A question like this one has its own page in the Tell Me Your Story journals for grandparents, in the chapter about being a grandparent. It is a lovely page to read aloud together when the journal comes back to you, so give your grandparent plenty of time with it.

See the Tell Me Your Story, Grandma journal or the Tell Me Your Story, Grandpa journal. For more ideas, read questions to ask your grandparents or browse family and parenting questions.