What should I know about love?

Why this question works

It is a direct request, and parents respond to that. You are not asking for their love story this time. You are asking what it taught them, with you in mind. That makes the answer personal. Your mom or dad will think about who you are, what you tend to do and what they hope for you, and shape the advice to fit.

Advice about love from a parent carries a particular weight, because they know you so well and because they have seen love from many sides: young and new, tired and tested, steady and deep. They may tell you what to look for in a partner, how to be a good one, or how to know when something is right. Often the answer is simple and has clearly been waiting a long time for the right moment. You do not have to follow every word. Having it, in their voice, is what counts.

How to ask it

This is a conversation for a quiet, private moment: a late evening, a drive, a walk. It suits certain seasons especially well, such as a new relationship, an engagement, or a time when you are mending after a hard one. Say honestly why you are asking.

Ask it and then listen without defending yourself. If the advice touches on your own choices, take a breath and hear it out; it is offered out of care. Ask where they learned what they are telling you, because the story behind it makes it land. And if speaking about it seems hard for your parent, suggest they write it down instead. Some of the best answers to this question arrive on paper.

Other ways to word it

• What have you learned about love that you want me to know?
• How do you know when you have found the right person?
• What matters most in a partner, in your experience?
• What do you wish someone had told you about relationships?

Follow-up ideas

• Who taught you the most about love?
• What did you get wrong when you were young?
• What does love look like on an ordinary day?
• How do you get through a rough patch with someone?
• What should I never settle for?
• What have you learned about saying sorry?
• What do you hope my relationships are like?

An example answer

This is an invented example, written to show the kind of detail to listen for. Your mom’s answer will be her own.

"Pay attention to how someone treats people who can do nothing for them. The waiter, their little brother, a person who is slow in line. I did not understand that at your age. I thought love was the feeling, the fluttering. The feeling is wonderful, but it comes and goes like weather."

"What stays is whether you are kind to each other on a dull Wednesday when someone forgot to buy milk. Your dad is not a romantic man. He has given me exactly two bouquets in his life. But he warms up my car on cold mornings, and he has done it for twenty-six winters without being asked. That is what I want for you. Find the person who warms up the car. And be that person too. It has to go both ways, or it is not the real thing."

What to write down

Write the advice down in your parent's own words, unedited. Record where they learned it, including the story they told to explain it. Note what they say love looks like on an ordinary day. Add what they hope for you. This is a page to reread at the start of a relationship, before a wedding and on any day when you need a steady voice.

The Tell Me Your Story journals for Mom and Dad end with a chapter written to the next generation, and a question like this one has its own page there. It is a place for a parent to say, in writing, what they most want you to carry with you.

See the Tell Me Your Story, Mom journal or the Tell Me Your Story, Dad journal. For more ideas, read questions to ask your parents or browse advice and life lessons questions.