Tell me everything you remember about the day I was born.

Why this question works

"Everything you remember" is a generous invitation. It tells your dad that no detail is too small: what he had for breakfast, what was on the radio, which nurse told him to sit down. Those small things are what make the day real, and he has had them filed away since it happened.

For many dads this was one of the biggest days of their lives, and they have rarely been asked to tell it from their own point of view. His account has things nobody else saw: the drive, the phone calls he made, what he was thinking in the hallway, what he did the moment he was finally handed a very small person. Hearing it, you learn how you arrived, and you also meet your father at the exact hour he became one. That is a remarkable thing to be given, at any age.

How to ask it

Your birthday is the obvious day to ask. Call him, or sit down with him, and say you would like to hear his side of it from the beginning. If you are expecting a child yourself, the question comes naturally and he will have plenty to say.

Let him tell it in order, starting from when he knew it was time. Ask what happened next whenever he pauses. Keep the tone affectionate and let him be funny if that is his way; dads often tell emotional stories with a joke on top. Ask about the first moment he held you, then be quiet and let him find the words. You may hear something you carry with you for good.

Other ways to word it

• What do you remember about the day I was born?
• Where were you when you found out I was on the way?
• What went through your head the first time you saw me?
• What was that day like from your side?

Follow-up ideas

• What time of day was it, and what was the weather like?
• How did you get to the hospital?
• Where did you wait, and who was with you?
• Who did you call first?
• What did I look like?
• What did you say to Mom?
• What do you remember about bringing me home?
• Did you sleep at all that night?

An example answer

This is an invented example, written to show the kind of detail to listen for. Your dad’s answer will be his own.

"Your mom woke me at two in the morning and said, very calmly, 'I think today is the day.' I put my shoes on the wrong feet. I am not exaggerating. I drove to the hospital so carefully that a milk truck passed us."

"You were born just after ten, on a bright cold morning, and the first thing I noticed was how loud you were for someone that size. The nurse put you in my arms, and I had no idea how to stand. I was afraid to breathe. You opened one eye and looked at me as if you had a few questions. I said, 'Hello, I am your dad,' which felt like the strangest and best sentence I had ever said. Then I went to the pay phone in the hall and called your grandmother, and I could not get the words out. She understood anyway."

What to write down

Write it down in order: when your dad knew it was time, the trip to the hospital, the waiting, the first sight of you. Record the time, the weather and the name of the hospital and the town. Add the first words he said to you and the first phone call he made. Keep his jokes in. They are part of how he tells it, and part of what you will want to remember.

A question like this one has a full page in the Tell Me Your Story, Dad journal, in the chapter about the day you arrived. Some dads find it easier to write this story than to say it, and the journal gives him the space to do that.

See the Tell Me Your Story, Dad journal. For more ideas, read questions to ask your parents or browse family and parenting questions.