Tell me about your wedding day.

Why this question works

A wedding day is one of the best remembered days of a life. Ask about it and the details pour out: who made the dress, who drove, what the weather did, which uncle sang. It is a story with a full cast, and it gathers together family members you may only know as names. A grandparent telling it will often mention people you can then ask about next.

The open wording, "tell me about," is deliberate. It lets your grandparent start wherever the memory is strongest. For one it is the walk down the aisle. For another it is the borrowed suit, the rain or the cake that slid in the back of the car. Weddings in their day were often simple, and the modest details are the charming ones. They also show how a community came together: who cooked, who lent what, who gave the couple their start.

How to ask it

Bring the photograph. Take it down from the wall or out of the album and put it in your grandparent's hands. Ask them to name everyone in it and to tell you what was happening just outside the frame. If the dress, a veil or a pressed flower survives, ask to see it.

Around an anniversary is a natural time. Keep your tone warm and a little festive, as if you were a guest who arrived late and wants to hear what you missed. If your grandparent is widowed, the day may bring a few tears along with the smiles. That is all right. Stay with them, and let them tell it at their own speed.

Other ways to word it

• What do you remember most about the day you got married?
• Walk me through your wedding day from the moment you woke up.
• What did you wear, and where did it come from?
• Who was there, and who stood up with you?

Follow-up ideas

• Where was the ceremony, and why there?
• What was the weather like?
• Were you nervous? What about?
• Did anything go wrong that you laugh about now?
• What did everyone eat, and was there music?
• Did you take a honeymoon, even a small one?
• Where did you sleep that first night as a married couple?
• What do you wish you had a photograph of?

An example answer

This is an invented example, written to show the kind of detail to listen for. Your grandma’s answer will be her own.

"We were married on a Saturday morning in June, in the little white church where I was baptized. My mother made my dress from a pattern, and she was still sewing on the last of the buttons at midnight the night before. I carried peonies from my aunt's garden, tied with a ribbon from my sister's hat."

"It rained on the way in and the sun came out on the way out, and everyone said that was good luck. The reception was in the church hall. The ladies made ham sandwiches and three kinds of pie, and my uncle played the accordion until the pastor asked him to stop. Your grandfather stepped on my foot during our one dance and apologized for a week. We drove off in his brother's car with tin cans tied to the bumper, and I do not think I stopped smiling until Tuesday."

What to write down

Write down the date, the place and who performed the ceremony. List who stood up with the couple and who made or lent the dress, the suit, the flowers and the cake. Record the weather, the food, the music and anything that went wrong in a funny way. On the back of a copy of the wedding photograph, write the names of everyone in it while your grandparent is there to tell you.

A question like this one has its own page in the love chapter of the Tell Me Your Story journals for grandparents. The journals also have photo pages, so the wedding picture can sit beside the story in your grandparent's own words.

See the Tell Me Your Story, Grandma journal or the Tell Me Your Story, Grandpa journal. For more ideas, read questions to ask your grandparents or browse love and marriage questions.