How did you and Dad meet?

Why this question works

The story of how your parents met is the story of how you became possible, and it is surprising how many grown children only know the outline. Asking your mom to "tell it your way" matters. Family stories get smoothed down by repetition until everyone tells the same thirty seconds. Her own version has her point of view in it: what she was doing with her life at the time, what she noticed and what she told her friends afterward.

It is also a chance to see your mother as a young woman with her own plans. She was not waiting to become your mom. She was a person in the middle of a life, and then someone walked into it. Hearing how she weighed it up, what she liked and what made her hesitate shows you her judgment and her humor. Whatever shape your family has taken since, the beginning is part of your story, and she is the one who can tell it.

How to ask it

Ask her when it is just the two of you. One on one, she can tell it without being corrected or interrupted. Folding laundry, driving somewhere or sitting up late in the kitchen are the classic settings for this conversation.

Open with the invitation the question gives: "I want to hear your version." Then listen without comparing it to Dad's. If the two accounts differ, that is a bonus and you can enjoy both. If your parents are no longer together, ask with extra care and let her choose how much to share; most mothers are still willing to describe the beginning kindly.

Other ways to word it

• How did you and Dad first cross paths?
• What did you think of him the first time you met?
• Who made the first move?
• What did you tell your best friend about him?

Follow-up ideas

• Where were you living and what were you doing at the time?
• What was he wearing, and what did he say?
• Was it a good first impression or a bad one?
• What made you agree to see him again?
• What did your parents think when they met him?
• When did it start to feel serious?
• Is there a part of the story Dad always tells wrong?

An example answer

This is an invented example, written to show the kind of detail to listen for. Your mom’s answer will be her own.

"Your dad will tell you we met at a party. That is not quite true. We met in the laundry room of my apartment building two weeks earlier, and he does not remember it. He was putting a red sweatshirt in with a load of white shirts, and I told him not to. He did it anyway."

"So when a tall man in a pink dress shirt showed up at my friend's party, I laughed out loud before he had even said hello. He had no idea why. He thought I was just friendly. We talked on the fire escape for three hours, mostly about our terrible first apartments. I told my roommate that night that he was funny and that he clearly could not do laundry. Both of those things are still true."

What to write down

Note where your mom was living and working at the time, the place they met and the year. Write down her first impression of him, honestly, and what she told her friends afterward. Record who made the first move and what made her agree to see him again. If part of her version differs from the one your dad tells, mark it. Those are the lines the family will enjoy most.

The Tell Me Your Story, Mom journal asks a question like this one at the start of its chapter on love, with a full page for the answer. It is the page where her side of the story gets written down just as she tells it.

See the Tell Me Your Story, Mom journal. For more ideas, read questions to ask your parents or browse love and marriage questions.