Who taught you the most about working hard?

Why this question works

This is a question about gratitude, and people enjoy answering those. Your grandparent gets to name the person they still measure themselves against, and to describe exactly what that person did: the hours they kept, the pride they took, the way they finished a job properly even when nobody was checking.

It also passes something down. When your grandmother tells you what her own mother taught her about work, you are hearing a family value travel across four generations in one conversation. The lessons tend to be short and practical, the kind that stick: do it right the first time, leave a place better than you found it, never ask someone to do a job you would not do yourself. These are sayings worth having in a grandparent's own words, because one day you will repeat them to someone younger.

How to ask it

The best time to ask is while you are working together. Shelling peas, washing the car, raking leaves or drying dishes side by side makes this conversation natural. Hands are busy, nobody is being interviewed, and the subject is right in front of you.

Ask it with respect. Your grandparent's generation often worked very hard from a young age, and they tend to be matter-of-fact about it. Ask for one specific memory of watching that person work. Then ask for the saying, because there is almost always a saying. Write it down exactly as it is said, in their phrasing.

Other ways to word it

• Who showed you what a good day's work looks like?
• Who was the hardest worker you ever knew?
• Where do you think you got your work ethic?
• What did your mother or father teach you about doing a job well?

Follow-up ideas

• What did that person do for a living?
• What do you remember about watching them work?
• Did they teach you by talking or by example?
• What did they say when you did a job badly? And when you did it well?
• What was the first real job they trusted you with?
• Is there a saying of theirs that you still hear in your head?
• What have you tried to pass on to your own children about work?

An example answer

This is an invented example, written to show the kind of detail to listen for. Your grandma’s answer will be her own.

"My mother, without any question. She ran a boarding house with nine rooms, and I never once saw her sit down before dark. She was up at five to light the stove, and there was bread rising before any of us were awake. She did not lecture. She just handed you a dish towel."

"When I was about ten she had me make a bed, and then she pulled all the covers off and said, 'Now do it so you would be glad to sleep in it.' I made that bed four times. I was furious. But I have never made a bed badly since, and I have never done anything else badly on purpose either. She used to say, 'If you have time to do it twice, you had time to do it right.' I say it to your mother, and I have heard her say it to you."

What to write down

Write down who the person was and how they were related, what they did for a living and one scene of them at work. Record the saying exactly as your grandparent repeats it, with their phrasing and emphasis. Add the first real job that person trusted them with, and how it went. Note which of those lessons your grandparent has tried to hand on, and to whom.

A question like this one has its own page in the work chapter of the Tell Me Your Story journals for grandparents. There is room on it for the person, the memory and the saying, which is exactly what a family wants to keep.

See the Tell Me Your Story, Grandpa journal or the Tell Me Your Story, Grandma journal. For more ideas, read questions to ask your grandparents or browse work questions.